Well, good news from the Dr. today. All of my tests came back great and it looks like the only thing standing in my way now is me. My CAT scan was good, no evidence of a relapse. Blood work is what he expected, so basically normal. I get to get this port out in April, woo hoo! I feel like I am still recovering and I have to say it is getting old. I have a ways to go, in my opinion. My lungs do have some scarring, but he is hopeful that the scar tissue will soften over time. As for the pain in the area of radiation, he has no idea. The radiation oncologist suggested that it may be some arthritis or just some inflammation. Hoping that will ease over time as well. So, all is well. Now I just have to get my head back in the game. I have been waiting for this day for a long time. Maybe now that it has come and gone I can get on with the living. Thanks for all of your thoughts. If anything changes I will let you know.

I am hearing through the grapevine that I am not posting enough so I will try to do a little better job of keeping you all informed. For the most part, things are going very well. I am starting to breathe a little better, able to exercise a little, which helps my outlook on pretty much everything. There are a lot of little things that get me at different times, like this crazy tingly electric sensation that runs down my legs when I look down. Apparently another issue of radiation. It should go away, and it isn't painful--just a little odd. Various pains in the area of radiation, most likely due to inflammation associated with radiation, and hopefully it will all go away as well. So, there is the physical update. Mentally, I think things are going pretty well. I feel like some progress is being made so I am not so helpless anymore. Somehow I am actually feeling like a survivor now, which is so great. Tomorrow I am going to a Relay For Life meeting and I am so eager to be a part of that again this year. You will all be directed where to send your hard earned money later! I got a call from someone last week asking me if I would pose for some photos for a "Weekend of Hope" in Powell. I don't really know what this is, and I am VERY uncomfortable in front of a camera, but I will do it for the cause. I should have some news in mid February about my lungs and the tumors. Just waiting for good news. Many thanks to you all for caring. It is very powerful.

New Years Post

The new year is quickly approaching and I am realizing that I have not posted in a long time. I don't know if anyone is checking this anymore, but just in case... I have been done with radiation for almost 3 months now. Recovery is not as easy as it sounds, at least for me. I was thinking that it would just happen. The truth is that waiting for something to happen is a heck of a lot harder than fighting for things to change. While in treatment, I knew that I was actively pursuing my health. It felt good, as I have always enjoyed a good fight. Now that it is time to recover, I feel oddly uneasy. Some would say I have no patience, and they would be right. I am so ready to feel good again that it is really very difficult to wait. You may be wondering what exactly it is that is taking time. Well, here goes. I will try to get the point across without my doomsday attitude coming through too much. I have an inflammation of the lining of my lungs from the radiation called radiation pneumonitis. Don't go looking it up online or you will freak yourself and everyone else out. Basically, the upper portion of my lungs has been damaged and we don't know yet if it will reverse itself or not. For now, I am short of breath after not much exertion. Doing lite housework for 15 minutes wears me out about as much as 45 minutes(going hard) on a cardio machine at the gym used to. Which is actually a big improvement from 2 1/2 months ago when pushing an empty cart through the supermarket was actually more than I could do. So, more tests to come in February, but dealing with the possibility/probability that some lung function is probably not coming back. Also, the doc is fairly certain that the radiation has killed off my thyroid. Yes, I know this is something that can be treated quite easily with medication. Radiation is just the gift that keeps on giving. We are waiting for my thyroid to shrivel up and completely die off, then begin treating that. So, I am still tired, I am still cold all the time and just generally not feeling great like I had hoped for by now. I know that I will improve, I am just very anxious. January 3 marks one year from the day that the lump was discovered. This next year is going to be a year of growth and recovery. I wish the same for all of you.

I am happy to report that I am finally done with treatments! Wednesday was quite a day. It was 9 months from the day that the lump was found. What a year it has been! I am now trying to just gain my strength back. I ate a piece of fish and a salad yesterday, which was the first meal I have had in weeks. I was quite proud of myself. I feel like a recovering anorexic! I went for a short walk yesterday and it felt so good. My body is so achy from doing nothing for so long. I was actually exercising up until about 10 days ago so it is not like I have been completely inactive. But, many hours have been spent sitting and laying around in the past 6 weeks. I have a long way to go before I feel good again. Everything takes effort right now. Finding a balance between pushing myself too much and not enough is going to be the challenge. I feel so robbed of the past year of my life that I just want to get on with it. But, I need to pace myself. The burns on my neck are pretty painful but getting better by the day. My taste buds have a long way to go but I have high hopes. That is all for now. Only good news to follow.

It is Sunday night, getting geared up for one more week of treatment. Thank God it is only 3 this week. I have been down on the couch pretty much full time for the past week. I just have nothing left to work with! I have a really hard time sleeping so I think that is really my biggest problem. I take AMbien, Tylenol with Codeine, sometimes a little Nyquil, an antibiotic, and maybe even something else! Today I did take an Ambien with the Tylenol and got some really good rest. I felt better those 2 hours following my nap than I have in a long time. Clint has really taken over with the kids. We had a sleepover birthday party for Jesse yesterday and Clint set me up in a hotel room so I could relax. He is finding his groove with the boys I think. Side effects are getting more and more difficult to deal with. My neck is extremely burnt, and peeling as are my ears. The rest are things you don't want to read about, trust me. I am hoping for strength to get me through these next 3 days, then peace to get me through a little more rest. Everyone tells me it will take time to recover and I know that is probably true. I just feel like I have missed so much living this past year that I am ready to really live. I will probably post again in about a week.

It has been a trying few weeks. Radiation is no picnic, but it is almost over. My mom was here for 2 weeks to help and it was really great to have her here. She left Sunday morning so we are adjusting to life without her. I am terribly tired these days. My appetite is all but gone. Everything still tastes bad. The kids passed on a cold to me so I am up coughing half the night. Well, until yesterday. Yesterday I got some Tylenol with Codeine. Life is all of a sudden quite a bit more enjoyable! Sunday night I was wondering how I could possibly get through these next treatments. Today I am certain that I will make it to next Wednesday, and I may even laugh once or twice between now and then. This has been much harder on me than the Chemo, but it is so close to being over that I am a little giddy at times. Hard to believe that I have just 6 more treatments. I am getting a bunch of help now and I appreciate it all so much. There is no way I could do this without all of you pitching in. I have so much support, I feel so lucky to have you all. Thank you thank you thank you.

Well, I am half way through my 27 treatments and I am still somewhat vertical! Radiation is kind of kicking my ass. I am not really sick, I am just tired and I have a hard time swallowing. My salivary glands are being messed up so food just tastes horrible. Sugary things are really the worst. I can taste some salty things, but nothing REALLY tastes good. But, it is temporary, RIGHT? I have to keep telling myself that. The field of radiation actually touches the bottom part of my hairline on my neck so I am losing some hair. Apparently this type of hair loss is permanent, but as my hair grows longer it will cover it up. It was by far the worst hair loss I have had through the whole thing. Very strange. My shirts are just covered in this short hair. My mom is here so things are a whole lot better. She cooks and does laundry and anything else I need. The kids love having her here, too. Well, I guess that is enough for now. I am fine, just tired. I am getting very close...