Tuesdays prove to be just like Mondays...

Well, it is now Wednesday the 25th. It has taken me a while to be able to write this without sounding completely pathetic. I found out yesterday that the CT showed the cancer has shrunk but it is not gone. Yes, that is good news. What was the size of a grapefruit is now the size of a small orange. So, progress. If you know me at all, you know that just isn't good enough. They told me in the beginning that the big tumor could be gone within a few treatments, so obviously that is what I was hoping for. I don't want OK test results, I want great results. My blood counts indicate a bacterial infection so I am on antibiotics. I started getting a cold last week and it hit pretty hard on Sunday night. I am sure that is part of why I am extra tired this time around. I am very disappointed and I feel completely betrayed by my body. How could my body let me down like this? I absolutely hate this. I can't take care of my kids and I feel like I am a spectator of my own life. I know it is temporary but it feels like forever. So there you have it. I know I am going to get better, I am just getting tired of being tired. I want it to be over but I have quite a ways to go so I better just buck up and get with the program! I took today to be alone and it has been good for me. Hoping tomorrow will bring a little more energy my way, but I would probably over-do it and pay for it later anyway. I really am ok, I am just frustrated. The sun is calling my name, so I better go take in some rays. Tomorrow will be a better day.

#4

As seems to be my pattern, all of my blood tests came back great. I still don't really know what the numbers mean, but the ones that we want to go up are going up and the ones we want to go down are going down. Clint came this morning and I kicked his @#* at Yahtzee. I get pretty anxious by about 2 hours into treatment and I just want out of there. Today was #4 of 12, so I am 1/3 done with Chemo. Yah! I am having a CT scan on Friday to see if we are shrinking the tumors. Those results will be back for my next treatment, which is on TUESDAY, yes, TUESDAY, April 24. After that we will go back to Monday treatments. I am very excited/nervous to get those results back. I have to believe that it is working, the other option is just not an option.

Clint and I have been wanting to take a trip together and we have booked it. We are going to Puerto Rico in May for a quick sun, sand and casino getaway. Waiting is just killing me. My passport expires in June so we had to go get another stamp!

I got some really great gifts for my birthday, so thank you to all. The tulips were beautiful, steaks were delicious, music was great, and all the countless niceties are and were really great. Thank you to everyone, and someday I will be back to being in touch with you on a different level. Connie K, please send Mary my best wishes. I am thinking about her, and hoping for a speedy recovery. Jellyfish!

Hope you all had a great Easter!