Radiation

Well, most of you know that I started radiation this Monday. I honestly believe that I went in with a good attitude. I thought it was going to be a cakewalk. I am not sure what happened in that first treatment that just changed things, but something did. I walked out of there wondering how I was going to get through the next 6 weeks without losing my mind. By Tuesday, I was tired and definitely needed a nap in the afternoon. By Wednesday, I was having to force myself to eat anything. I can't say that it is nausea, but I sure don't want to eat. Nothing tastes good. I know that for now it is most likely an anxiety issue. In the weeks to come it will be a more physical thing as my esophagus gets inflamed and painful. My throat already hurts a little and I can feel things kinda getting stuck as I swallow. I am just pissed off at the whole ordeal! Wow, what a rant. Haven't had one of those for a while, guess I needed it. That sure makes it sound bad, and it probably isn't THAT bad. I am guessing I need some Xanax, a good cry, and a few days. Like I said, I know a lot of it is anxiety and I have to get that under control before I can get my ass in gear and get over it and get on with it! I am not one that gets freaked out too easily and I think I just got freaked out. Go ahead, say it! "GET A GRIP!" I feel like I need a kick in the ass. OK, that is about enough for one day.

I will start radiation next Monday and go 5 days a week for about 6 weeks. Looking forward to getting started so that I can be done. It has been so nice to have no treatments these past few weeks. Guess it is time to get going on the next phase of recovery. I will post more as I get into this.

On to radiation...

Well, it has been quite a while since I updated you. Things are going very well these days. I am feeling stronger all the time. I met with the radiation oncologist last week and I have a CT today. From the CT they will develop my treatment plan and make their program for the machine. I will have approximately 30 treatments totalling 4500 units of radiation, whatever that means. Apparently that is a pretty low dose. Treatments will most likely begin on Aug. 27. I am really ready to get going with it and just be done with this whole ordeal. I have got to get something figured out with my hair as it is just really bad right now. I thought Clint was going to cut it off but I am not sure he can do it. I may have to go in and have someone else do it.

All really is just fine for the moment. I think I will be nervous about this forever to some extent. All of the what ifs that go through my head. what if it isn't dead? what if it comes back? what if one of my kids gets this? But, I know we deal with that if it happens and just move on. The kids are getting ready to go back to school and I am really ready for that. I am usually in Colorado for half of August and this year I was just not sure how I would feel so I didn't go. I am certain that next year we will go!

I will post again as soon as I know when I will start the radiation. Take care all!