Well, I am half way through my 27 treatments and I am still somewhat vertical! Radiation is kind of kicking my ass. I am not really sick, I am just tired and I have a hard time swallowing. My salivary glands are being messed up so food just tastes horrible. Sugary things are really the worst. I can taste some salty things, but nothing REALLY tastes good. But, it is temporary, RIGHT? I have to keep telling myself that. The field of radiation actually touches the bottom part of my hairline on my neck so I am losing some hair. Apparently this type of hair loss is permanent, but as my hair grows longer it will cover it up. It was by far the worst hair loss I have had through the whole thing. Very strange. My shirts are just covered in this short hair. My mom is here so things are a whole lot better. She cooks and does laundry and anything else I need. The kids love having her here, too. Well, I guess that is enough for now. I am fine, just tired. I am getting very close...

Well, I think I had the flu last week and that is why I felt so crappy. This week is not nearly as bad and I am feeling like I can actually do this! What a relief. My attitude is better, I feel better, life is just better. My mom will be here next week to help out so that will be good. Everyone offering to help, thank you! I think I am ok, for now. The last 2 weeks is when I anticipate needing some help. My throat is a little sore, and I am a little tired. I did cut my hair off, it was really bad. It is now about 2 inches long on top and maybe an inch in back. I think that last time I had hair this short I was 2 years old. Can't say I like it, but it is very easy. Looking forward to it growing back. More later.

Radiation

Well, most of you know that I started radiation this Monday. I honestly believe that I went in with a good attitude. I thought it was going to be a cakewalk. I am not sure what happened in that first treatment that just changed things, but something did. I walked out of there wondering how I was going to get through the next 6 weeks without losing my mind. By Tuesday, I was tired and definitely needed a nap in the afternoon. By Wednesday, I was having to force myself to eat anything. I can't say that it is nausea, but I sure don't want to eat. Nothing tastes good. I know that for now it is most likely an anxiety issue. In the weeks to come it will be a more physical thing as my esophagus gets inflamed and painful. My throat already hurts a little and I can feel things kinda getting stuck as I swallow. I am just pissed off at the whole ordeal! Wow, what a rant. Haven't had one of those for a while, guess I needed it. That sure makes it sound bad, and it probably isn't THAT bad. I am guessing I need some Xanax, a good cry, and a few days. Like I said, I know a lot of it is anxiety and I have to get that under control before I can get my ass in gear and get over it and get on with it! I am not one that gets freaked out too easily and I think I just got freaked out. Go ahead, say it! "GET A GRIP!" I feel like I need a kick in the ass. OK, that is about enough for one day.

I will start radiation next Monday and go 5 days a week for about 6 weeks. Looking forward to getting started so that I can be done. It has been so nice to have no treatments these past few weeks. Guess it is time to get going on the next phase of recovery. I will post more as I get into this.

On to radiation...

Well, it has been quite a while since I updated you. Things are going very well these days. I am feeling stronger all the time. I met with the radiation oncologist last week and I have a CT today. From the CT they will develop my treatment plan and make their program for the machine. I will have approximately 30 treatments totalling 4500 units of radiation, whatever that means. Apparently that is a pretty low dose. Treatments will most likely begin on Aug. 27. I am really ready to get going with it and just be done with this whole ordeal. I have got to get something figured out with my hair as it is just really bad right now. I thought Clint was going to cut it off but I am not sure he can do it. I may have to go in and have someone else do it.

All really is just fine for the moment. I think I will be nervous about this forever to some extent. All of the what ifs that go through my head. what if it isn't dead? what if it comes back? what if one of my kids gets this? But, I know we deal with that if it happens and just move on. The kids are getting ready to go back to school and I am really ready for that. I am usually in Colorado for half of August and this year I was just not sure how I would feel so I didn't go. I am certain that next year we will go!

I will post again as soon as I know when I will start the radiation. Take care all!

Final Chemo

Well, today was my last chemo treatment, yeah! I feel like crap but happy to be over that hurdle. I met my mom and most of my siblings in Idaho last week for a little reunion. We had a really good time together, got totally exhausted, and now I am trying to get myself healed up to start living again. My niece Tamra is here helping with the kkids for the week. I hear constant laughter so I think it is going well. I actually don't feel as bad as last time, so I think not having the Neulasta shot after treatment is the reason. I get August off, probably just some tests. I am excited to get more than just a week of feeling good. All the tests look good up to this point. I will update when I know more. Off to bed...

Hello All,
Hope you had a great 4th of July. I had treatment on Monday, and all went as it was supposed to. I keep hoping to go in and hear that I don't have to continue with the final treatments! But, just 2 to go so things are looking up. I think I am in denial again and just refuse to believe that I can't do what everyone else is doing. Seem to be wearing myself out alot these past few treatments but I bounce back with a little extra rest. I am soliciting info on radiation these days, so anyone in the know, please give input. Just curious how it affects you. Most people are saying it is not nearly as bad as the chemo, but I don't imagine it is a joyride, either.

Relay for Life is coming right up on the 20th. Thank you to all who have donated to such a worthwhile cause. There is still time...

Anyway, just wanted to quickly update you all. Feeling pretty strong and somewhat in control these days. Isn't that what we all hope for in our lives? Thank you for your support and love. I am feeling quite "full" these days. My life is overflowing with good things and great people.