Tuesdays prove to be just like Mondays...

Well, it is now Wednesday the 25th. It has taken me a while to be able to write this without sounding completely pathetic. I found out yesterday that the CT showed the cancer has shrunk but it is not gone. Yes, that is good news. What was the size of a grapefruit is now the size of a small orange. So, progress. If you know me at all, you know that just isn't good enough. They told me in the beginning that the big tumor could be gone within a few treatments, so obviously that is what I was hoping for. I don't want OK test results, I want great results. My blood counts indicate a bacterial infection so I am on antibiotics. I started getting a cold last week and it hit pretty hard on Sunday night. I am sure that is part of why I am extra tired this time around. I am very disappointed and I feel completely betrayed by my body. How could my body let me down like this? I absolutely hate this. I can't take care of my kids and I feel like I am a spectator of my own life. I know it is temporary but it feels like forever. So there you have it. I know I am going to get better, I am just getting tired of being tired. I want it to be over but I have quite a ways to go so I better just buck up and get with the program! I took today to be alone and it has been good for me. Hoping tomorrow will bring a little more energy my way, but I would probably over-do it and pay for it later anyway. I really am ok, I am just frustrated. The sun is calling my name, so I better go take in some rays. Tomorrow will be a better day.

#4

As seems to be my pattern, all of my blood tests came back great. I still don't really know what the numbers mean, but the ones that we want to go up are going up and the ones we want to go down are going down. Clint came this morning and I kicked his @#* at Yahtzee. I get pretty anxious by about 2 hours into treatment and I just want out of there. Today was #4 of 12, so I am 1/3 done with Chemo. Yah! I am having a CT scan on Friday to see if we are shrinking the tumors. Those results will be back for my next treatment, which is on TUESDAY, yes, TUESDAY, April 24. After that we will go back to Monday treatments. I am very excited/nervous to get those results back. I have to believe that it is working, the other option is just not an option.

Clint and I have been wanting to take a trip together and we have booked it. We are going to Puerto Rico in May for a quick sun, sand and casino getaway. Waiting is just killing me. My passport expires in June so we had to go get another stamp!

I got some really great gifts for my birthday, so thank you to all. The tulips were beautiful, steaks were delicious, music was great, and all the countless niceties are and were really great. Thank you to everyone, and someday I will be back to being in touch with you on a different level. Connie K, please send Mary my best wishes. I am thinking about her, and hoping for a speedy recovery. Jellyfish!

Hope you all had a great Easter!

Another Monday...

It is Monday night after my third treatment and I am feeling pretty beat. Treatment went well today. Some of my medications were decreased, because I am feeling pretty good. The steroid that is the anti-nausea and the Neulasta which stimulates white blood cells were both cut in half. Hoping to continue to feel good. My friends came with again, as Clint is in Reno gambling away the kids college money. Barb told me that I got cancer because I drink too much Diet Coke, obviously joking. When we got out my nose had this extreme sunburnt feeling again, which lasted about 15 minutes at the most. Did it last time, too, so I need to remember to ask about that next time. Whoever comes with me next time please remind me! I got some beautiful flowers today from Ma Keller, thank you so very much. They sure do brighten up this house. Having fun with Lisa and the kids. Ruby and Dane fight worse than siblings, it is clear that they are related even if not by blood. Jessie brought some great salads for lunch and we lounged around outside in the sun all afternoon. So far, so good. Having a bit of a hot flash so I am off to find an ice pack! Hair is still hanging in there. Jess told me tonight that my pony tail is getting smaller and smaller so I shouldn't wear it up like that anymore. He wants to pick out a scarf for me to wear. I am ready to start wearing them because the texture of my hair is so off that it is just impossible. Every day is a mediocre hair day! I have really gorgeous scarfs to start showing off! More when it seems relevant.

It is now Wednesday before my third treatment and I am feeling pretty good. The last treatment went as planned. It appeared all my blood tests came back good enough to continue treatment. My friends came with this time. After it was over I did have this very strange burning sensation in my face but it didn't last very long (15 minutes or so). We left for South Dakota right after that. By WEdnesday I was pretty tired and Thursday I was really tired. I don't seem to get nauseous, I just get a really disgusting metalic film in my mouth. By Saturday I was feeling good again, just in time for our trip to be done! Clint is going to Reno with some friends this weekend. My sister Lisa is coming from Washington with her two kids on Saturday. Should be loads of fun. I still have my hair, although it is driving me crazy! It is really thinning and I seem to find it all over the place. I think I am going to get it cut short, see if I can handle the thinning better if the strands coming out aren't so long. The itching in my legs is gone, that is a huge bonus. Otherwise, not much has changed. Take care all.

It has been 10 days since my first treatment and things are going just fine. I get tired, but that is how I have been living for so long that it seems normal to me. I have not had terrible side effects yet. To me, it feels a lot like being pregnant. Not horrible, just kind of blah. My next treatment is on Monday. As soon as it is done, the boys (all 4) and I are heading to Rapid City for Spring Break. We should be back on Saturday the 17th. Probably no updates until after that, so for all of you curious ones out there, you will have to wait. I am feeling strong, still very confident. I have tons of support and I am grateful for you all.

Well, today was the first of 12 Chemo treatments. It was pretty uneventful, and quite boring! We (Clint came to this one) were a little late being seen, which was no big deal. Treatment itself took from 11-2, which should shorten to about 2 1/2 hours for the remaining treatment. They gave 4 different Chemo drugs, along with anit-nausea and anti-clotting medicine. I have numbing cream so I don't feel the needle going in to the port. It is all very surreal right now, kind of just floating in la-la land. I had been dreading and looking forward to today. It was actually very anticlimactic, which I guess is good. So, hair loss is approaching, just kind of want to get that over with. I feel pretty disconnected to the cancer right now, like it is happening to someone else. Anyway, I think I handled it just fine. If I am going to get sick it will probably be in a few days. I am pretty tired, but that is so normal for me that I just am not sure if it is the treatment or the disease. They did end up giving me a drug to help keep my white cell count up. It is called Neulasta or something like that. I was pretty sick with a cold/sinus infection last week and they decided to just help me out a bit and try to keep me as healthy as possible. It is apparently like $5,000 or something insane like that. Thank God for Navy insurance! That is all for tonight. Don't worry about me, I am just fine.

Today went as well as we hoped. All the test results are in, and they all say "nodular sclerosing Hodgkins Lymphoma". My bone marrow biopsy showed that the cancer has not gone into my bone marrow. The PET showed that the cancer was nowhere but where we thought it was. I start taking the blood thinner tomorrow, cuomadin. I guess I need it because when the port was placed, the vein that the catheter was threaded through was really squashed. It is so small that with the catheter in, it is really tight. If any clotting were to happen it would be very bad. He showed Clint the scans. A few weeks ago someone told me that they heard through the Cody grapevine that I had a mass the size of a baseball. I said that it was not true, and laughed about it. It appears someone knew more than I because he said today that the nodes in my chest have gotten so enlarged that they all have grown together to form a mass the size of at least a grapefruit. How does a person not know that is there??? It is kind of funny but for the past few years, every time I would ride with the biker chicks I think "I am not that out of shape, why can't I keep up?". Dr. Anderson said today that he was surprised I hadn't been in to see a doc earlier complaining of decreased cardiovascular strength. Instead I just beat myself up for being a wimp!!!! Now I know... The only change that was made today is that Chemo will begin on Feb. 26, and will now go for 6 months as opposed to 4. New studies are saying it is just better to go longer. It works pretty well for me, as I will not be tied to radiation 5 days a week all summer. I should finish up chemo sometime early August, then begin radiation after the kids go back to school in the Fall. OK, enough for now. Thanks for all your support up to this point, and for the continued support to come.