Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Tuesdays prove to be just like Mondays...
Well, it is now Wednesday the 25th. It has taken me a while to be able to write this without sounding completely pathetic. I found out yesterday that the CT showed the cancer has shrunk but it is not gone. Yes, that is good news. What was the size of a grapefruit is now the size of a small orange. So, progress. If you know me at all, you know that just isn't good enough. They told me in the beginning that the big tumor could be gone within a few treatments, so obviously that is what I was hoping for. I don't want OK test results, I want great results. My blood counts indicate a bacterial infection so I am on antibiotics. I started getting a cold last week and it hit pretty hard on Sunday night. I am sure that is part of why I am extra tired this time around. I am very disappointed and I feel completely betrayed by my body. How could my body let me down like this? I absolutely hate this. I can't take care of my kids and I feel like I am a spectator of my own life. I know it is temporary but it feels like forever. So there you have it. I know I am going to get better, I am just getting tired of being tired. I want it to be over but I have quite a ways to go so I better just buck up and get with the program! I took today to be alone and it has been good for me. Hoping tomorrow will bring a little more energy my way, but I would probably over-do it and pay for it later anyway. I really am ok, I am just frustrated. The sun is calling my name, so I better go take in some rays. Tomorrow will be a better day.
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6 comments:
You damn overachiever! :) Smart move to take an alone day. Do that as often as possible. Be still and quiet and listen to God tell you how much he (she) loves you. Then when you reintroduce yourself, notice that he shows that love in a million ways around you. Maybe you give so darn much you are suppose to take this time to slooooow down and feeeel the love. Be a spectator, take it all in from the sidelines. Take notes, make plans. You'll be attacking it all in due time friend. And - may you never have to say all this to me someday (because if I were going through what you are, you'd REALLY know what a whiner is - ME!). peace, Kerry
Yes, Liz - give yourself a BREAK! You don't have to be the do all be all person - you have a ton of friends in your cell phone list and a husband to hang on, so JUST DO IT!
Looking forward to pedis on Sat...T
At times like this Liz you need to float on the love that surrounds you and let others take over the nitty gritty stuff. That is hard to do but you would do it for others so do it unto yourself. There is a vast ocean of love pouring your way. And when did whining become a sin?? Scream, yell if you want to. Then just take a love bath. With bubbles.
I am testing this to see if it works. Been having problems.
Okay- so that worked. Sorry about that. I just wanted to say that I echo what everyone else says. This is not the time or the place to feel badly for not being an active participant. You need to "actively participate" in getting better. I understand that saying you shouldn't feel badly, doesn't translate into actually not feeling badly, but all you can do is your best. Cancer sucks,as if you haven't grown to understand that great phrase, and you are in the throws of fighting it. It will get better and it will get easier. I promise you there are better days. This is not permanent. Just remember that. I am pulling for you and love you.
Hi Liz, I'm sure you know how you're feeling is very normal and I'm sure I would feel the same if it were me. I guess one way to look at the fact that you can't take care of your kids is that in the grand scheme of life, this is a very short period. You need to take this time to get better yourself so that you can take care of your family later. I am so proud of you! I know that you were expecting better results but the way I see it, you got a great result. With cancer, any shrinkage is a blessing. I know you're frustrated but hang in there!
Your cousin, Nicole
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