Radiation

Well, most of you know that I started radiation this Monday. I honestly believe that I went in with a good attitude. I thought it was going to be a cakewalk. I am not sure what happened in that first treatment that just changed things, but something did. I walked out of there wondering how I was going to get through the next 6 weeks without losing my mind. By Tuesday, I was tired and definitely needed a nap in the afternoon. By Wednesday, I was having to force myself to eat anything. I can't say that it is nausea, but I sure don't want to eat. Nothing tastes good. I know that for now it is most likely an anxiety issue. In the weeks to come it will be a more physical thing as my esophagus gets inflamed and painful. My throat already hurts a little and I can feel things kinda getting stuck as I swallow. I am just pissed off at the whole ordeal! Wow, what a rant. Haven't had one of those for a while, guess I needed it. That sure makes it sound bad, and it probably isn't THAT bad. I am guessing I need some Xanax, a good cry, and a few days. Like I said, I know a lot of it is anxiety and I have to get that under control before I can get my ass in gear and get over it and get on with it! I am not one that gets freaked out too easily and I think I just got freaked out. Go ahead, say it! "GET A GRIP!" I feel like I need a kick in the ass. OK, that is about enough for one day.